Like a baby. . .

Today I had my re-contracting interview. I knew what to expect, it was the same deal as last year. . .


"Are you satisfied with your work situation?"

"How is your workload?"

"What are things that you feel could be improved upon?"

"Do you dress appropriately for work?"


Things were going smoothly, until they got to the one where they asked me, "Are you planning to re-contract?" I felt my stomach turn into a little fist, and was sure that my cheeks and nose were quickly turning pink.


"No. . . no. . . I'm not re-contracting. . .no. . . ."

"Why not?"

"I HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL."

"Is that all? What if your work situation were changed? What if we moved you to another school? Would that affect your decision?"

"No, you don't understand. My school is wonderful. I work with wonderful people, the kids. . . the kids are amazing. . . No, no, no. I have to move on. . . I have to. . . I can not stay here in Japan. . . "


The world started getting all liquidy, and my interviewers mercifully changed the subject.


But then, at the end. . . they asked me if I had anything else to say. . .

"You are all doing a great job. You are doing too good of a job. You are making this very, very difficult for me. . . I don't want to leave. . . No. I HAVE to go. . .but thank you."

Then I lost it.


I was so embarrassed. I tried to talk through it, but I couldn't see my interviewers' faces through all the water that had somehow found its way to my eyeballs. So I said thank you a few more times, did some awkward bows, and stumbled off.

So that's it.

I'll be back in America, land of. . .
Land of not here.
in no time.

It's not that I don't love you (you being the people for whom this blog is intended- not that I mind the extra readers- the people who I left behind and will be returning to, come August). As I was explaining to my dear, dear friend Adrian,
"I love Japan so intensely, but I also love all that is home to me in America a lot. I have a lot of love to give. . . I have a RIDICULOUS amount of love to give, the trouble is that I can't be everywhere and do everything in order to get all that love out at once. I suppose things have to be loved one at a time, and that really sucks."

So, I'm working on an "omnipresent-for-a-day" machine, or perhaps a magical pill. . . . I don't think one day is too much to ask, especially if all I want to do is love everything and everyone at the same time, and only once in a while.